Part three in a six-part series.
This piece was originally published on Medium and revised for this publication on March 1, 2025.
“The most curious among us are driven by an endogenous motivation to explore, not simply answer.” — Dr. Vivienne Ming, neuroscientist.
#3 Be curious
The Art of Asking Questions
I like asking questions.
Not just any questions—the kind that make people pause, think deeply, and sometimes shift uncomfortably in their seats. The kind that might feel too personal for someone you've just met.
I can't help myself. It's in my nature.
Like a hydra, each answer spawns more questions. With every response, I dig deeper, hoping to understand not just what someone thinks, but how they came to think it. It's a quest I've chosen—this perpetual pursuit of knowing you.
For years, I tried to tame this impulse. I'd bite my tongue, hold back the flood of questions that bubbled up in conversations. I was afraid of being too much, of overwhelming people with my relentless curiosity.
The Google Effect
But here's what fascinates me: in a world where any fact is just a search away, this kind of deep curiosity seems to be fading. When directions, definitions, and answers are instantly accessible, do we lose something essential? Has our ability to wonder been replaced by our ability to search?
Has easy access to information made us lose our capacity for genuine curiosity?
Think about it: When was the last time you sat with a question, turning it over in your mind, rather than immediately reaching for your phone? When did you last allow yourself to wonder about something without rushing to find the answer?
Beyond the Search Bar
This isn't just nostalgia for a pre-Google world. It's about the difference between information and understanding. Between knowing facts and knowing stories. Between having answers and having insights.
Like Star Trek sparked my childhood imagination about what might exist beyond our atmosphere, true curiosity isn't satisfied with simple answers. It yearns for context, for connection, for meaning.
Curiosity as an Evolutionary Gift
Curiosity is innately human—an evolutionary trait that helps us make sense of the world. An encounter with something unexpected or complex can lead us toward exploration and potential discoveries.
Yet we've heard the cautionary tales:
Curiosity killed the cat
Pandora's box
The forbidden fruit
These stories warn us about the dangers of asking too many questions, of pushing beyond established boundaries. But what if these warnings have it backwards? What if the real danger lies in not being curious enough?
The Curiosity Paradox
Here's the cruel irony of our age: We have unprecedented access to information, yet our capacity for genuine curiosity seems to be shrinking. The very tools that should enable deeper exploration are often preventing it.
Think of curiosity like a muscle that needs both exercise and rest. But our modern environment provides neither:
Constant stimulation drowns out the quiet space where curiosity sparks
Easy answers short-circuit the natural process of discovery
Information overload leaves no room for genuine wonder
Algorithmic feeds replace serendipitous exploration with curated content
The result? We've traded deep understanding for quick answers, genuine exploration for convenient solutions.
Research confirms this paradox. Studies show that:
Our attention spans have shrunk to 47 seconds between switches
Using Google to answer questions inflates our confidence while reducing actual understanding
The constant flow of information overwhelms our brain's capacity to process and integrate new knowledge
Like a muscle atrophying from disuse, our natural curiosity weakens under the weight of convenience. Each quick search, each algorithmic suggestion, each bite-sized piece of content trains us to prefer easy answers over genuine exploration.
This isn't just about technology. This pattern of choosing convenience over understanding has seeped into every aspect of modern life, from how we eat to how we learn to how we connect.
We've created a world where being curious often feels like swimming upstream.
The Echo Chamber Effect
Our digital worlds have become increasingly personalized, showing us more of what we already know and believe. Echo chambers reinforce our existing views, making us less tolerant of challenging conversations.
It's comfortable staying where you won't be challenged, sitting around the proverbial campfire with people who share your worldview. But what growth are we sacrificing for this comfort?
8 Ways to Reclaim Your Curiosity
Start with Humility
Acknowledge how much you don't know
Approach each conversation as a learning opportunity
Be willing to be wrong
Ask Better Questions
Replace "Did you like it?" with "What surprised you about it?"
Focus on "how" and "why" rather than "what"
Listen more than you speak
Practice Deep Listening
Seek to understand before being understood
Hold your opinions loosely
Notice when you're formulating responses instead of truly listening
Embrace Uncertainty
Get comfortable with "I don't know"
Allow questions to remain unanswered
Appreciate the journey of discovery
Challenge Your Assumptions
Question your initial reactions
Seek out diverse perspectives
Notice when you're operating on autopilot
Create Space for Wonder
Take walks without your phone
Observe your environment with fresh eyes
Allow your mind to wander
Dig Deeper
Follow threads of interest
Look beyond surface explanations
Connect seemingly unrelated ideas
Document Your Journey
Keep a curiosity journal
Write down questions that intrigue you
Track the evolution of your understanding
The Practice of Not Knowing
The beauty of curiosity lies not in finding answers, but in discovering better questions. It's about developing a relationship with uncertainty that feels more like adventure than anxiety.
Einstein said, "It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day." This isn't about accumulating facts—it's about deepening our engagement with the world.
Your Invitation to Wonder
Start small. Choose one thing today that you usually take for granted and examine it with fresh eyes.
Ask questions you've never asked before. Follow your curiosity down unexpected paths.
Remember: Every person you meet knows something you don't. Every experience contains lessons you haven't yet discovered.
Every familiar thing holds secrets waiting to be revealed.
What might you discover if you let yourself be truly curious today?
This is part three of a series exploring personal growth through six guiding principles. Continue to "Connection Beyond Conflict" where we'll learn how curiosity transforms our challenging conversations.
References
[1] Our brains like to reduce cognitive effort by finding mental shortcuts. This helps to conserve energy for when there is a threat. Information about the layout of your bedroom or the path of travel you always take to work is assumed unless something changes like you step on something on the floor or someone merges into your lane.
[2] We spend an average of just 47 seconds on any screen before shifting our attention. It takes 25 minutes to bring our attention back to a task after an interruption. And we interrupt ourselves more than we’re interrupted by others. https://bookshop.org/p/books/attention-span-finding-focus-and-fighting-distraction-gloria-mark/18423478?ean=9781335449412
[3 ] Research study shows that using Google to answer general knowledge questions artificially inflates people’s confidence in their own ability to remember and process information. When information is at our fingertips, we may mistakenly believe that it originated from inside our heads. https://medium.com/r/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pnas.org%2Fdoi%2F10.1073%2Fpnas.2105061118
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