How AI has helped me as an adult make sense of the mental chaos I’ve known since childhood.
This piece was originally published on Medium and revised for this publication on February 28, 2025.
There's something I must confess: I'm terrified of writing.
Not the casual butterflies that flutter through before starting something new. I mean the bite-my-nails-to-the-nub, paralyzed-by-the-blank-page kind of terror. The kind that turns a simple email into an hour-long ordeal.
Since childhood, I've struggled to translate the chaos in my mind—a tangled web of yarn—into written words on the page.
In elementary school, I'd sit frozen as my teacher distributed blank sheets and number two pencils, waiting for the second hand to hit the hour.
While my classmates scribbled away, I'd stare at the empty page, overwhelmed not by a lack of ideas, but by their abundance.
Each thought competed for attention, creating a mental traffic jam that lasted until the final minutes before the second returned to its position, an hour later.
The Adult Workaround
While the elementary school anxiety faded, the writing challenge followed me into adulthood like a stubborn shadow. I found clever ways to dodge it - becoming a natural at public speaking, commanding stages, hosting podcasts, and leading workplace discussions.
Writing felt like sending messages in bottles, never quite sure how they'd be received on distant shores.
Give me a microphone and a crowd, and I'll thrive. Hand me a blank document, and that familiar dread resurfaces.
The irony wasn't lost on me.
I could captivate audiences with spontaneous speeches, yet struggled to compose a simple email. In professional settings, this meant spending hours agonizing over written communications that others seemed to dash off in minutes.
A simple Slack message about an office happy hour could send me into a spiral of overthinking. As the stakes got heightened, so did my internal angst.
Does this makes sense? Does this message sound arrogant? Could this suggestion be read as disrespectful?
At least in speaking, I could course-correct in real-time, reading the room and adjusting my tone. Writing felt like sending messages in bottles, never quite sure how they'd be received on distant shores.
The real problem wasn't just about writing - it was about organizing the cascade of thoughts in my mind into a linear format that others could follow, while navigating the minefield of potential misunderstandings.
Where speaking allowed me to ride the wave of ideas and adapt to immediate feedback, writing demanded I channel the ocean into neat, orderly streams.
This disconnect between my verbal fluency and written expression became increasingly frustrating as my career advanced.
I knew I had valuable insights to share, but the process of translating them to the page remained as daunting as those blank sheets in elementary school.
Finding My AI Writing Partner
When I discovered AI writing tools, something clicked immediately. Here, finally, was a patient partner that could help me untangle my thoughts without judgment.
More than just organizing my ideas, AI gave me something I'd never experienced before: validation that my words could stand on their own.
For the first time, I had confirmation that my ideas could land clearly without me being there to explain them in person.
No more wondering if readers would get lost in my mental maze. AI became my first reader, my clarity check, helping me transform my tangled yarn of thoughts into a clear path for others to follow.
This wasn't just about better writing - it was about finally being understood.
With AI as your thinking partner, those tangled thoughts can become clear messages, and that dreaded blank page can become an invitation to create.
From Chaos to Clarity: My AI Writing Process
With AI as my writing partner, I've developed a process that works with my brain instead of against it.
For anyone who shares my struggle with writing, here are the strategies that have transformed my relationship with the blank page:
Brain Dump: Use voice-to-text tools to record your ideas without the pressure of writing perfectly. This can help you get your thoughts out quickly and naturally. Let your mind race ahead while technology captures every word.
Organize Your Mind: Leverage AI tools to help structure your thoughts into a coherent outline. This can make the writing process feel less overwhelming. Think of AI as your patient assistant, helping you sort through that tangled yarn one thread at a time.
Write Now, Edit Later: Turn off real-time grammar checking features which disrupt the flow and cause you to self-edit. Those red squiggly lines are like those childhood teachers hovering over your shoulder - banish them until you're ready.
Edit for Clarity: Writing exposes the flaws in your thinking. Be prepared to rewrite and refine your work until it passes the "stranger test." Ask your AI partner: "Does this make sense if you know nothing about the topic?"
Challenge Assumptions: Use AI to challenge your assumptions and provide new perspectives. This can lead to deeper insights and more robust writing. Think of it as having a thoughtful conversation partner who isn't afraid to ask "why?"
Writing Without Fear
That terrified child with the number two pencil never imagined a future where writing could feel liberating. Yet here I am, no longer paralyzed by the blank page.
AI hasn't just made me a better writer - it's helped me become a more confident communicator of my ideas.
The chaos in my mind hasn't gone away. The thoughts still tangle and race, the yarn still knots.
But now I have a partner in untangling it all, a technology that meets me where I am and helps me shape my ideas into something others can follow.
For anyone who recognizes themselves in my story - who feels that familiar dread when faced with putting thoughts to paper - know that there's another way. Writing doesn't have to be a solitary struggle.
With AI as your thinking partner, those tangled thoughts can become clear messages, and that dreaded blank page can become an invitation to create.
The future of writing isn't about AI replacing human creativity - it's about AI helping us unlock the ideas trapped in our minds, waiting to be shared.
This piece was written in collaboration with Lex AI. The original version was published 02/23/2024 on Medium.com
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